Rifle fire peppered the air. Charles Fraser came awake with a jerk and tightened his grip on his wife. Mélanie froze in his arms, then sat bolt upright in bed. Another hale of bullets. One rifle. No, not a rifle. Rapping. On the oak door panels.
That’s currently the opening paragraph of Charles & Mélanie Book #4. It will very likely change during subsequent drafts, but working on a new book has me thinking about the crucial opening sentences of a novel. They can be daunting to an author–so daunting that I tend to force myself to get something down and not stare at the computer screen too long in writing a first draft. There’s so much one wants to accomplish in those sentences–establish character, setting, mood, theme–above all, draw the reader into the story.
Here are some opening paragraphs that have drawn me in:
“Lymond is back.”
It was known soon after the Sea-Catte reached Scotland from Campvere with an illicit cargo and a man she should not have carried.
From The Game of Kings, the first book of the Lymond Chronicles, by Dorothy Dunnett. Right away, the opening establishes a world of intrigue and adventure. You know you’re in Scotland and while the exact era may not be clear, the word choices (It was known, should not have carried) strike a note that isn’t modern. Above all, the opening sentences establish Lymond as a mysterious, fascinating person one wants to know more about. Which one could say is the core of the entire series.
The butler, recognizing her ladyship’s only surviving brother at a glance, as he afterwards informed his less percipient subordinates, favored Sir Horace with a low bow, and took it upon himself to say that my lady, although not at home to less nearly connected persons, would be happy to see him. Sir Horace, unimpressed by this condescension, handed his caped greatcoat to one of the footmen, his hat and cane to the other, tossed his gloves onto the marble-topped table, and said that he had no doubt of that, and how was Dassett keeping these days?
From The Grand Sophy by Georgette Heyer. A much quieter opening, but I remember being completely drawn in by it at the age of ten. The detail sets up the Regency world beautifully. Actions characterize both Dassett and Sir Horace. And the arrival of a family member who has, by implication, not been to visit in some time, sets up that the ordinary world is about to change.
The play–for which Briony has designed the posters, programs and tickets, constructed the sales booth out of a folding screen tipped on its side, and lined the collection box in red crêpe paper–was written in a two-day tempest of composition, causing her to miss a breakfast and a lunch. When the preparations were complete, she had nothing to do but contemplate her finished draft and wait for the appearance of her cousins from the distant north.
From Atonement by Ian McEwan. We’re pulled immediately in the world of the young Briony. Her youth and emotional intensity (both of which are key to the story which is to unfold) come through and the wonderfully specific details (folding screen, red crêpe paper) begin to establish the world of the English country house in which the book opens. Again, there’s the sense of a world about to change with the arrival of outsiders. Most important, the book begins with a writer absorbed in creation, setting up the theme of the book.
The worst thing about knowing that Gary Fairchild had been dead for month was seeing him every day at work.
From The Silicon Mage, the second book in the Windrose Chronicles, by Barbara Hambly. We know at once that we’re in a fantasy world, and yet at the same time a world grounded in reality (every day at work). We get a touch of Joanna (the heroine)’s tenacious sense of humor even in dire straits. And we want to read on to see what on earth is going on
.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered to be the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.
From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. The driving force of the book, summed up with economical irony in the first sentence. Austen doesn’t begin with specific characters, it’s more a wide-angle shot, which sets up the world and the social pressures against which the story will play out, and also establishes the dry, ironic tone of the book. But though there aren’t specific characters, there’s the plot premise–wealthy single man (men) settle in a new neighborhood and every local family sees the prospect of husbands for their daughters.
I was fifteen when I first met Sherlock Holmes, fifteen years old with my nose in a book as I walked the Sussex Downs, and nearly stepped on him. In my defence, I must say it was an engrossing book and it was very rare to come across another person in that particular part of the world in that war year of 1915. In my seven weeks of peripatetic reading among the sheep (which tended to move out of my way) and the gorse bushes (to which I had painfully developed an instinctive awareness) I had never before stepped on a person.
From The Beekeeper’s Apprentice, the first Mary Russell novel, by Laurie R. King. It totally sucked me into the world of the book the first time I read it. There’s a surprising amount of setting detail (Sussex Downs, 1915, war year, sheep, gorse bushes) but all couched in Russell’s distinctive voice so you don’t feel you’re being inundated with information. Russell comes through as a vivid character, and the promise of learning about what happened when she nearly stepped on Sherlock Holmes keeps the reader turning the pages.
Thursday, June 18
The best remedy for a bruised heart is not, as so many people seem to think, repose upon a manly bosom. Much more efficacious are honest work, physical activity, and the sudden acquisition of wealth. After being acquitted of murdering her lover, Harriet Vane found all three specifics abundantly at her disposal. And although Lord Peter Wimsey, with a touching faith in tradition, persisted day in and day out in presenting the bosom for her approval, she showed no inclination to recline upon it.
From Have his Carcase by Dorothy L. Sayers. Not first person, but the dry tone fits with Harriet’s pov and frames a surprising amount of back story. Harriet’s lover’s murder, her trial, and acquittal, and her present state of mind. As well as the current state of her relationship with Peter, which sets up their conflict in the book. And there’s perhaps a hint that Harriet is protesting too much which also foreshadows the future.
What draws you into a book? Any particularly effective openings to recommend? Writers, how do you approach the opening sentences of a new book? Do you craft them endlessly or dash off something and find you stick with it? Do you consciously consider where to start and why or is it instinctive?
Be sure to check out the new addition to the Fraser Correspondence. It’s a letter from Quen to Aspasia’s sister Cressida.
August 11, 2008 at 2:21 am
It feels like a cop out, but I can’t describe what makes a good line for me because there are too many things an opening can do to catch my interest.
Three of your examples make my favourites list: The Beekeeper’s Apprentice, Pride and Prejudice and Atonement.
I love the onomatopoeia of the opening to Bridge to Terabithia and how Paterson tells us so much about Jesse’s relationship with his dad in only two sentences:
“Ba-room, ba-room, ba-room, barpity, barpity, barpity–Good. His dad had the pickup going. He could get up now.”
I also love the opening sentence(-fragment) in The Scarlet Pimpernel. Orczy’s word choice makes such a vivid opening picture:
“A surging, seething, murmuring crowd of beings that are human only in name, for to the eye and ear they seem naught but savage creatures, animated by vile passions and by the lust of vengeance and hate.”
I’m very conscious about my opening lines, but I usually don’t finalize them until quite late in the process, and I go through dozens of ideas along the way.
Cate
August 11, 2008 at 2:47 am
Thanks for posting, Cate! I actually hadn’t really tried to analyze what makes opening lines work for me until I wrote this blog. I think you’re right, what important is that an opening catches the reader’s interest, and there are a lot of different ways to do that. The opening from “Bridge to Terabithia” immediately pulls you into the pov of the character while the opening to “The Scarlet Pimpernel” is more of the “wide angle” shot variety. But both are very visceral. I think one thing about the examples I thought of and your two examples is that they have a lot of specificity, which makes the story come to life.
With both “Secrets of a Lady/Daughter of the Game” and “Beneath a Silent Moon,” it took me a bit of time to figure out exactly *where* the stories would start, but once I did, the opening lines (“It was the sort of night the cloaks a multitude of sins”/”The night air was like a lover’s touch”) stayed basically the same. While lots of other lines changed a lot
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August 11, 2008 at 7:42 am
I have to include this, because it still amuses me and I’m still impressed. ‘Silent in the Grave’ by Deanna Raybourn: “To say that I met Nicholas Brisbane over my husband’s dead body is not entirely accurate. Edward, it should be noted, was still twitching upon the floor.”
One of the quintessential opening gambits, in my opinion – it sets the scene and the situation, names two of the characters, and establishes the narrator’s droll sense of humour. Wonderful!
Short, punchy opening sentences are what ‘grab’ me when picking up a new book, and if it is funny, all the better.
August 11, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Sarah, the “Silent in the Grave” opening is wonderful. Good point about short, punchy sentences, and about humor.
August 11, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I like long openings that rouse questions of “what’s happened?” or “what is going on?” and at the same time engage the reader’s emotions. Rebecca is one example, and Lisa See’s “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan” is another: “I am what they call in our village “one who has not yet died”—a widow, eighty years old. Without my husband, the days are long. I no longer care for the special foods that Peony and the others prepare for me. I no longer look forward to the happy events that settle under our roof so easily. Only the past interests me now. After all this time, I can finally say the things I couldn’t when I had to depend on my natal family to raise me or rely on my husband’s family to feed me. I have a whole life to tell; I have nothing left to lose and few to offend.” I love how the sense of uselessness in the first sentence changes into a sense of power, tinged with loneliness, in the last sentence.
August 11, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Sharon, that’s a fabulous opening! I too love openings that make me think “what’s going on? or “what happened?” (I think the opening lines of “The Silicon Mage” are a great example of this). That’s probably the first thing I would go for as a writer in crafting an opening, yet one has to be careful to anchor the story enough with character, setting, or something so that it isn’t completely confusing. Analyzing the openings I picked for the blog, I was surprised at how much detail they got into a few lines.
August 12, 2008 at 8:32 am
For me it’s The Secret History:
“Does such a thing as ‘the fatal flaw’, that showy dark crack running down the middle of a life, exist outside literature? I used to think it didn’t. Now I think it does. And I think that mine is this: a morbid linging for the picturesque at all costs.”
In fact the whole first page is incredibly seductive!
August 12, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Thanks for posting, Julie! I haven’t read “The Secret History,” but the opening is fabulous. The narrator’s voice pulls the reader right in. And it sounds as though the opening line sets up the entire book.
August 16, 2008 at 2:16 am
I like openings that immediately draw you into the world of the book, either by presenting you with a miniature of the characters (as in the Raybourn and McEwan) or of the setting (as in the Austen). Among my specific favorites are:
Rafael Sabatini’s “Scaramouche”: “He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad.” In one sentence the character is presented in 3 dimensions and you can’t wait to read his story.
Diana Norman’s “The Vizard Mask”: “Penitence Hurd and the plague arrived in London on the same day.” You know right away that a young woman is beginning a new life at a time of great peril and promise (restoration England).
August 16, 2008 at 6:24 am
Susan, fascinating point that one can be drawn into the world of a book both by a miniature/close up or landscape/wide angle.
After I posted the blog, I thought that I should have included the opening of “Scaramouche”–it’s definitely one of my favorite openings. My mom loved it. Perhaps nt surprisingly, “Scaramouche” was a definite influence on the Charles & Mélanie books, particularly “Secrets of a Lady”/”Daughter of the Game,” especially in regard to a certain plot twist (which I thought I was incredibly clever to have guessed when I first read “Scaramouche” at the age of ten; it now seems glaringly obvious, but no less of a dramatically wonderful gut punch).
I need to read Diana Norman–I keep hearing wonderful things about her. The line you quoted is great.
August 16, 2008 at 8:34 pm
“A surging, seething, murmuring crowd of beings that are human only in name, for to the eye and ear they seem naught but savage creatures, animated by vile passions and by the lust of vengeance and hate.”
I must say that, like Cate I like the opening lines of The scarlet Pimpernel so much. I keep thinking that this short novel was truly an inspired work of art (I think the Baroness wrote it in six weeks). Those opening lines possibly reflected the Baroness’ experience as a child, when her father’s estate was surrounded and attacked by angry farmers. This experience might have made the excesses of the French revolution a relevant theme for her later. Although there’s no doubt that the aristocrats abused their power and position, the Reign of Terror was indeed – terror.
I just return to those lines often because I have experienced what happens when people lose their individuality and go for the hunt. There’s nothing more frightening that a herd.
I think the Baroness set the theme for the novel in those few lines, and as Cate says, a vivid backdrop for a very unusual hero who commits no violence, is moved by compassion and is capable of a deep relationship to a woman. An unusual hero then and today.
Ok, I may just idealize that novel just a wee bit!
August 16, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Wonderful points beautifully stated, Dorthe! There are things about Orczy’s depiction of the Revolution and revolutionaries (and non-aristocrats in general) that trouble me, but that opening does wonderfully convey the horror of an unthinking mob (one of my favorite books as a child, “Hornets Nest” by Sallie Watson, set in Williamsburg on the eve of the American Revolution, has a vivid scene near the end where one of the heroes realizes the dangers of mob mentality).
And you’re right, though the book doesn’t open with Percy (quite the opposite of “The Game of Kings,” another story with a vivid hero, in that regard) it does set the stage for him and his goals.
August 17, 2008 at 9:23 am
I know that the Baroness receives a lot of criticism for her ‘prejudices’ and personal bias in the Pimpernel series, but I think she saw the strengths and flaws of both class backgrounds and was not afraid to vilify the excesses of the Revolution. Yvonne de Kernogan’s father is mercenary and arrogant, bartering with his daughter’s life to maintain his position; indeed, Yvonne is hardly an improvement to begin with, but she receives a baptism of fire and her good heart triumphs.
I admire that Orczy was capable of dealing with history in shades of grey – Chauvelin himself is a former noble, who rejects his title and heritage for a political ideal – and that she is not afraid to represent the terror, as Dorthe rightly emphasises, of the Revolution and not just the lofty intentions and the final result of the upheaval. It would be more politically correct, perhaps, to portray the revolutionaries as the white hats and the aristocrats as the black, but two wrongs do not make a right, and as Dorthe also points out, this was not Orczy’s own experience of revolution.
Sorry to wander off topic, but I, too, have a rather idealised view of Orczy and TSP!
August 17, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I totally agree, Sarah. Shades of grey are what make up life and rare in popular fiction. No motives are ever quite pure. That’s what’s so great about the first Pimpernel novel. That Marguerite is flawed and even Percy. Ok, off topic too, but those opening lines of The Scarlet Pimpernel really go to the heart of so much evil in the world – the evil that does not originate in deliberate, premeditated cruelty, but just in the fact that human beings get carried away by bad agendas. Man is a “giddy thing” as Benedick says in Much Ado About Nothing.
August 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Sometimes offtopic wanderings are the most fascinating
. Thanks for great, thoughtful comments, Sarah and Dorthe. I too love shades of gray in fiction, and as we’ve discussed in previous blogs one of the things I love about TSP is the fact that both the hero and heroine are flawed, as Dorthe says.
August 18, 2008 at 2:06 am
I hesitate jumping in because I have not read the Pimpernel series; I’ve read only the first novel a very long time ago. Reading the comments here has just made me realize how brilliantly the author used her “prejudices” in the opening lines: they immediately identify to the reader which side he or she is on even before revealing to the reader what is going on!
August 18, 2008 at 6:06 am
It’s always good to jump into the conversation, Sarah, from any perspective. Do you mean the opening lines identify Orczy’s view of the French Revolution to the reader? Or the reader’s own view? Either way, it’s an interesting thought!
August 18, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I meant both. Orczy’s view is clearly identified. A reader who holds the opposite view is made to re-examine his or her own, and a reader who doesn’t have any opinion one way or the other is made to choose a side before the author reveals more of the story. The last is what I consider the cleverest of the opening lines of TSP. (Trying to remember what it was like when I first read the story, I think I must have had certain knowledge of the French Revolution, but I doubt I had formed any particular view of it.)
August 18, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Thanks, Sharon–yes, I see exactly what you mean. That opening plunges the reader into the setting and as Dorthe says sets the stage for Percy with deft brush strokes.
August 19, 2008 at 11:43 am
I was wondering, whilst listening to an audiobook reading of TSP, whether it is necessary to ’set the scene’, as the Baroness does, or whether she would have done better introducing Marguerite in the first chapter. It is chapter four or five before Sir Percy and Lady Blakeney make an appearance, after Bibot, Jellyband, the League and the de Tournays – does this heighten the anticipation, or bore the reader? I read the book after watching the 1982 film, so I couldn’t wait to read about the characters – it is a teasing introduction, however, from the political views of France to England, following a rescue by the League!
August 20, 2008 at 6:46 am
It’s an interesting point, Sarah. I suspect today an editor would urge Orczy to introduce the main characters quickly. (Dunnett, as I mentioned, starts immediately with Lymond, who like Percy is an enigmatic hero and a master of disguise). The build up is great, but there is a risk readers will get bored, especially if they don’t know what’s coming. On the other hand, as Dorthe and Cate point out, the context of the Reign of Terror is crucial. I had good reactions to the prologue to “Secrets/Daughter” which aims to set the stage both for the crime that’s about the occur and the London in which the book is set. But I never would have tried to go four or five chapters before bring Charles and Mel on stage.
I’d love to hear what other TSP aficionados (Dorthe? Cate? JMM?) think about this.