In the Merola offices with Mélanie the day she turned four and ten months
Happy Saturday from the delightfully gray and rainy Bay Area. I’ve been buried in the WIP (writing about sunny Italy), Mission for a Queen is up for pre-order on most platforms (I’ll post links early next week, but you should be able to search for it).
Meanwhile, for a quick break, a topic I’ve been wanting to explore. An interesting thread on the Google+ Group a couple of months ago got me to ponder the phrase “love of one’s life.” The term came up in regards to Raoul O’Roarke and Malcolm’s mother Arabella. i’m not sure it applies to them, but beyond that, I’m not sure what I think of the whole idea of a person having a single “love of their life.” Malcolm’s aunt Lady Frances says she’s never much cared for the phrase, and I’m inclined to agree with her. Or perhaps it’s that I think it’s less that a person meets the love of their life than that, ideally, two people grow into being the loves of each other’s lives, as they grow and change together over the course of a relationship. I think that has already happened to a degree with Suzanne and Malcolm – neither of them is quite the person they were when they married; each has influenced the other in ways that strengthen their bond. (I think that’s true of other couples in the series as well, but perhaps particularly of Malcolm and Suzanne).
I also think it’s hard to judge someone the love of someone’s life while that life is still unfolding. Right now in the series, Cordelia pretty clearly seems to be the love of Harry’s life – he fell hard for her when he first met her, wanted her under any circumstances, never got over her despite a painful betrayal, reconciled with her and is still desperately in love with her. She also seems to be the first and only woman he came close to loving (if he hadn’t met her, it seems he might have been a bachelor like his uncle Archie). But Harry is only 30. If Cordy died or ran off with another man, would Harry never love again to such a degree? Very possibly, but not I think inevitably. (Please note, I am only using Cordy dying or running off with another man as hypotheticals; they are not in any way intended to be spoilers).
In that sense, it’s probably somewhat easier to talk about Raoul’s place in Arabella’s life, since we can look back on her whole life, than Arabella’s place in Raoul’s life. We can look at what Arabella meant to him thus far, but even though he’s a couple of decades older than Malcolm or Harry, he could still have a longer relationship with Laura (or theoretically some other woman) than he had with Arabella.
What do you think of the phrase “love of one’s life”? And, turning my post on its head, given the limitations of the phrase do you think, up to this point in the series, the central couples (Malcolm and Suzanne, Harry and Cordy, David and Simon, Rupert and Bertrand, Raoul and Laura, any other couples you want to address) are the loves of each other’s lives? Why or why not?
Cheers,
Tracy
Tracy Grant - Novelist 
October 16, 2016 at 1:59 am
Personally, I think you can only call someone “the love of your life” if you’ve lived long enough to love more than one person deeply. Otherwise, what basis do you have for comparison? I am inclined to think that the couples who have been together longest and weathered the most storms might be on firmer ground when they use that descriptor with each other. Couples who are just starting out don’t have quite that degree of authority, though they might get to that point in time.
October 16, 2016 at 5:00 am
Pamela, I think you are absolutely right. Until you have dated and fallen in love more than once you cannot know who that love of your life really is. And I know people who have been married a long time but I’m not sure the spouse is their “soul mate”. Others seem to be a perfect match in every way but they got to that point over many years. Years of self-knowledge are what help us find that perfect person – that and a lot of wisdom. But I’m not a cynic – it can and does happen – sometimes with a first love and sometimes with the last.
October 16, 2016 at 6:16 am
Great comments, Pamela and Lynne. I think I could believe someone only loved once and that person was the love of their life, but I think the relationship would have to have endured for some time and weathered storms, as Pamela says. I also think it’s possible that an an early and perhaps brief love could ultimately seem to be the love of someone’s life, but I think one could only determine that looking back after multiple decades, knowing no other relationship had equaled that one, in depth/intensity if not duration. If Ilsa and Rick never saw each other again after she got on the plane with Victor would they be the love of each others’ lives? Maybe. I could believe it, I’d be inclined to believe it even, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a given.